Hope Remembered

I am happy to report that I am adding a word back into my vocabulary. It snuck out for a while, but it somehow found it's way back home in my heart.

Hope.

When it comes to having a baby, I have tried not to be too hopeful. The greater the hope, the greater potential I have for let down. The last time I allowed hope to run wild in my heart was in November, when Clay and I had an IUI. I just knew I was pregnant. I swore I felt morning sickness and craved pickles, but apparently, I just like pickles and happen to be a grump before 9:00 AM because the test came back negative.

Since then, I have been somewhat guarded.

So last week, I had surgery to check for endometriosis. And guess what? I had it! Praise the Lord! I have never been more excited to hear that something was wrong with me. It was almost as exciting as hearing that my teeth were messed up enough for the orthodontist to recommend braces.

I told my dear friend Carolyn last night that I feel hopeful again. But after I hung up the phone, I wanted to retract my statement. Should I feel hopeful ONLY because the doctor found endometriosis? If that is the case, where am I placing all of my trust? In the hands of doctors? Of mere human beings? They are not the source of my optimism.

Psalm 20:7 reads, "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God." If I get pregant soon, it is because God has ordained this time for it - not because I finally realized that the reason I have horrible cramps is because I have had endometriosis. And if we don't get pregnant immediately, I will not lose hope. Because God hasn't snuck out the back door of my heart. He is always there.

So I always have Hope.

Baby in Six Months

The one in the middle is not pregnant :(

After more than four years of trying to have a baby, Clay and I are more hopeful than ever. We are praying to be pregnant within the next six months. So, today is September 28, 2009... that means we are praying for a baby in my belly by March 28, 2010.

We are still in the process of adopting from China, but right now, it will be at least 36 months before he or she arrives in our home. So, this seems like a great time to get pregnant!

Of course God's timing is always perfect, and we know that He may deny our request, but for the next six months, we are going to do everything within our power to make a baby (Feel free to insert your own joke here).

I love this quote by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, which reminds me of the importance of complete commitment:

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back-- Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it.

Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.

So, we have begun a period of complete committment. That inlcudes daily prayer and inviting our friends to pray with us! We would be honored by any of your prayers. Below are some specific requests:

1. That we would fall more in love with God and each other through this process.

2. For God to bless us with a pregnancy witin six months

3. Pray for God to lead us to the right doctors, medicine, herbs, food, and information.

4. For God to be glorified through our story, no matter what.