10 Lessons in 10 Years

Last night, Clay and I broke tradition. We always wait until after Thanksgiving to assemble the tree and drink egg not, but we couldn't wait. We drug the tree up from the basement and made percolator punch (my new favorite holiday drink). And in lieu of It's a Wonderful Life, we watched... drumroll please... our wedding video.

Since this weekend marks ten years since he proposed, Clay surprised me by hooking up the old VCR (can't believe it actually works) and digging through old tapes like Grease, The Sound of Music, and Eight Seconds to find the wedding videos.

We couldn't help but laugh at how young and innocent we looked back then. What were we thinking to get married at ages 21 and 23? We had no idea what we were doing. Maybe that's the best that way. So, in honor of the ten year anniversary of our engagement, I have listed 10 things I've learned about marriage since that day:

1. Guys don't like it when you use their razor.

2. Fighting is not the worst thing for a marriage. The quiet, cold, bitter silence is much worse.

3. Reading the same book draws us together in a profound way.

4. Submission is a beautiful word, not an ugly one.

5. Rocking chairs on the porch are a worthwhile investment.

6. TIVO or DVR can prevent hundreds of arguments.

7. It's good to dress your man. Although they pretend to be annoyed by it, they really love it.

8. God uses marriage to shape our character.

9. Marriage can never be reduced to a list of do's and don't's. It is one of the most intriguing mysteries of the universe.

10. A breakfast of waffles and bacon goes a long way.

12 Character-Building Moments in Marriage

Our friend, Michael Wang was outside his house, working on the lawn, when I stopped by to see him and his precious wife, Ashley this afternoon. It is steaming hot in Atlanta today and their yard is enormous, but he was determined to fix the mower and finish the job.


I was laughing as he described the old mower and the way his legs shook as he rode it for THREE hours at a time. It reminded me of Clay, working on our old mower when we lived in our first house on Briar Pond Way.


Cutting the grass with a hand-me-down mower is just one of the character-building moments in a young marriage. One day, Michael and Ashley will laugh at their pain, but today, they might just sweat. Below are twelve more character builders that young couples have the priviledge of experiencing.


1. Painting a room together (or in our case, an entire house... along with some wonderful friends who probably hate us after that)

2. Creating your first budget

3. Renting a tiny apartment and loving every square inch of it

4. Taking the plunge to buy the first house... and then moving all of your junk into it

5. Taking care of your spouse when he or she has the stomach flu

6. Getting lost together, without a GPS

7. Assembling any kind of furniture

8. Potty-training a dog together

9. Scurrying to prepare for your first dinner party

10. Trying to fix your own plumbing problems

11. Rescuing your spouse whose car has died on the side of the road

12. Searching for keys together

6 Reasons a Clemson and Auburn Marriage Might Work

I am sad to report that the Auburn family has been forced to accept a new member into our little clan. My friend Haley, a die hard Auburn fan, recently married... a Clemson graduate. I know what you are thinking - "At least she did not marry a Bama fan or dare I say, a Florida Gator." But it's still a tough situation. I mean, think about their poor children.

However, I am going out on a limb by predicting that this marriage has a chance. Generally, when I see the bumper stickers that read, "House Divided", I predict that the union will not last, but a marriage of Auburn and Clemson could prevail for the following reasons:

1. They are both Tigers.

2. They both wear orange. Who wants to walk hand-in-hand with someone wearing crimson?

3. Clemson has been called, "Auburn with a Lake", so they have a similar upbringing.

4. Clemson does not have some horrible fight song (like Rocky Top) that will drive your spouse crazy after a number of years.

5. Clemson and Auburn are not located in the same state, so residents will not force them to make a choice.

6. Auburn and Clemson are not even in the same conference so they will not necessarily play one another every year. Plus, the SEC is so dominant that comentators do not even compare these two teams.

Feel free to leave a comment if you have a prediction or if you have had the unfortunate experience of marrying someone who is not an Auburn Tiger.

7 Reasons You and Your Spouse Should Have a Pet

I remember the day, eight years ago, when Clay brought our golden retriever home. We named her Molly, but after two weeks, we knew that she was a Shelby. Shelby has moved with us from Marietta to Woodstock to McDonough. She was there for Clay when he had his shoulder surgery and she cuddled with me when I had a stomach flu. She has been such a wonderful part of our married life.

It's hard to believe that I had to convince Clay to get a dog. If you are trying to decide whether or not to adopt a pet, here are seven reasons why you should:

1. It's good practice if you do not have kids and good entertainment if you do have them.

2. You always have someone to blame the farts on ("Shelby, what did you eat tonight?")

3. A dog wakes up every morning with the excitement of a little kid on Christmas morning.

4. You can ask serious questions with a lighthearted tone in the presence of a puppy ("Shelby, does your Daddy think money grows on trees?")

5. You feel like the most important person in the world when you arrive home after a long day at work and your beloved pet knocks you down with kisses (picture Dino on the cartoon, The Flinstones, attacking Fred as he enters the house).

6. Dogs are a great example of unconditional love.

7. They make the cutest pictures for your scrapbook, blog and facebook pages.

Why I am a Better Wife in the Summer

Today is the first full day of summer and no one is happier about that than Clay. Even though he is still working, he gets to live with SUMMER EMILY for two whole months. Summer Emily, aka "The Summer Wife" comes alive during the months of June and July and she goes back into hibernation in the Fall.

I must admit that it's nice to be a stay-at-home wife for two months out of the year. Here are 10 Reasons Why I am a Better Wife in the Summer:

1. Once my closets are clean, I am more at peace.

2. When I make dinner, I am not too tired to clean the dishes.

3. Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy! John Denver was right after all.

4. I am at home. Clay is at work. When he comes home, I feel like June Cleaver waiting for him.

5. I feel good about myself when I am tan and have time to exercise!

6. My birthday is in the summer so I have to be really nice and butter him up for a good present.

7. Time for tennis = Emily is happy.

8. Clay and I sit on the porch for dinner and watch the golfers stroll by. It's very relaxing.

9. We grill. We sip lemonade. We take more time to chat.

10. Beach time is the best time to reconnect.

8 Birthday Presents for Men

Clay's birthday was last week and the girl in me REALLY wanted to throw a big party. I wanted to buy him clothes and send him on a scavenger hunt, but he honestly does not want any of the hoopla. More than anything, he wants to relax (or chillax as the students say). He does not want me to blow the budget. And he certainly does not need the typical presents like cologne, ties, or a man bag. However, he does like to get some attention and he does appreciate thoughtful presents. So, with those stipulations in mind I have compiled a list (with the input of Clay and some other MANLY MEN) of gifts that almost any man would appreciate:

1. Good golf balls and a round of golf at a new course - Apparantly, certain golf balls are better than others.

2. Sports Massage - The masseuse will focus on overworked muscles or old injuries due to exercise. Even if your spouse is not a serious athlete, men often have scar tissue or pain around their shoulders, lower back and knees that can be helped by this kind of massage.

3. Concert tickets - You know your man's favorite group. Check out http://www.ticketmaster.com/ for upcoming events.

4. The Andretti Experience - Men can go 180 mph and feel like racecar driver for only $22.95. Didn't every little boy want toy cars for his birthday? He still likes them! http://www.andrettikarting.com/

5. Car Detail - Speaking of cars, more than one man told me that he would love to have his car detailed. At first I was surprised to hear this, but now that I think back to my brother washing his car in our driveway, I realize that this must be one of those man things.

6. Guy Time - Of course your man loves to be with you, but they also need quality time with buddies. Your husband will love it if you plan time for him to watch the game with just a FEW friends. Be sure to invite the people he REALLY likes (not just your friends' husbands and boyfriends). Provide the food and cigars and stay out of the way!

7. Letter Describing Your Respect for Him - Even though you tell him what you admire about him, writing it is more permanent. Make a list of all the ways you think he is the greatest. He can read it again and again.

8. Cold, Hard Cash - You know your man. If he likes to save money, nothing will surprise him more than your ability to save money or make extra money that he can spend anywhere. This takes true dedication because it requires planning and work, but it is a gift that fits everytime.

6 Indicators that You are On the Same Team

Every Friday morning, Clay and I play basketball with some friends. Well, the guys play and I run up and down the court and they let me shoot now and then. Usually, Clay and I are on opposite teams and I have to guard him (since Clay is the dork who brings his wife to play, they force him to guard me).

This morning was different because we played on the same team, and I have decided that it's a better that way. I would rather be excited when my husband grabs a rebound or hits a three-pointer. I like running in the same direction that he is running rather than trying to get in his way, stop him, foul him or steal the ball from him (yeah right).

The game this morning was so much more enjoyable since we were working together toward the same goal. I would like to think that Clay and I are always on the same team, but below are six ways to check my actions and make sure. You know that you and your spouse are playing like teammates when:

1. You cheer for his/her success even if it means more work for you.

2. You pick up the slack and work harder when your teammate is having an off-day, or even an off-season.

3. There is an unwritten understanding that the team is more important than the individual glory of a single team member.

4. If a team member is hurt, he still shows up for practice to support the others.

5. Everyone understands their role on the team.

6. Success and failure are met together. Your teammate's success is your success. Your teammate's failure is yours as well. Blame is useless on a team. You work together to fill the gaps.

8 Reasons Why Your Dog Should Not Sleep with You

Our golden retriever, Shebly, is a notorious snuggler. She loves to be close to Clay and me at all times, including nighttime. I have to admit that I was disappointed when my husband refused to let a DOG sleep in the bed. As a puppy, Shelby whined almost as much as I did, but I showed her the doggie bed and she quickly learned to love her special place.

Recently, this issue resurfaced when some friends asked us to referee an argument between them about their chocolate lab. One spouse wanted the dog in the bed while the other thought it was hurting their marriage. Although we usually try not to take a position, Clay and I were adament about the dog. It needs to stay out of the marriage bed. Here is why:

1. The most obvious reason... how can you two be spontaneous with another creature lying next to you? Intimacy, including simple snuggling, should not be interrupted!

2. Chiropractors agree that dogs cause unnecesary strain on your back as you manuever around them throughout the night.

3. You will wake up more refreshed without the interruption of a dog wiggling, scratching, licking and playing throughout the night.

4. As Ceasar Milan always says, "Your dog should not be your master." It is up to you to show the pet its boundaries instead of allowing him/her to rule over you.

5. You can still show your dogs how much you love them by cuddling a little bit before time to sleep and giving them attention when you wake up. This rule does not mean that you are a stern, heartless pet owner.

6. Although allowing the dog in the bed does not guarantee that he will feel like the master, it is a consideration. Read advice from an expert on About.com.

7. For sanitary reasons alone, the dog should stay on the floor. Think of the hair, the odor, and the germs. You take a shower everyday but how often does your dog bathe... once every three months? Gross!

8. If you insist on having your dog in bed, allow them to join you when invited. This way, you can enjoy him and give him attention. Then, command him to go back to his bed as you snuggle with your spouse and enjoy and peaceful night of sleep.

Check out other thoughts on Dogster.com.

I am interested to hear your opinion on this one. Let me know your house rules for pets at bedtime. What are your suggestions?

6 Lessons About the Cross

Even after all the books we have read, classes we have taught and resolutions we have made, Clay and I still hurt one another. We have been married for nine years and we even teach classes on conflict resolution. But the other day, all the lessons went out the window. We had a good ole fashioned silent fight. And somehow, miraculously, after two days of childishness, we forgave one another completely. It was the closest I have ever felt to my husband.

It made me realize, even more, that forgiveness is the true path to intimacy. God's design for forgiveness was revealed to me through our relationship and below are six lessons I have learned about the beauty of the cross through my marriage to Clay.

1. Undeserved forgiveness is a powerful force.

2. Painful sacrifice is a love language that everyone understands.

3. Sin can cause wounds far deeper than knives or swords.

4. The strength of persevering love influences change.

5. The history of countries, cities and families are changed when intense loves intervenes.

6. A close relationship with someone who really knows you is so worth the effort.

Eight Spring Dates

Today is the first official day of Spring, so get out there and enjoy it with the one you love most.

1. Grill out on the back porch. Throw some steaks, chicken or portabella mushrooms on the grill and watch the sunset together.

2. Stroll around the block after dinner and make time to chat with neighbors who have been hybernating all winter.

3. Order tickets to an outdoor concert.

4. Pack a picnic and invite another couple to join you. Take frisbees, footballs and those little paddle games that people normally take to the beach (you know what I am talking about).

5. Get ice cream or coffee and sit outside for a good game of "People Watching".

6. Relax by a lake or pond, even if you cannot dive in yet.

7. Catch a little league baseball game, even if your children are not playing. The sights and sounds at the game will spark interesting conversation abuot your childhood.

8. Pick flowers together as you walk on a trail. Come home and arrange them in a vase.