New Years Questions to Consider

Alexandra Stoddard calls it "puttering." She says every woman should make time to putter around the house, completing chores at a liesurely pace. This includes organizing a drawer or fluffing a pillow... whatever you find to do. I usually don't have time to putter, but this week has been full of puttering, cleaning, meandering, and moving slowly around our house.

It sure has been nice.

Even now, Clay and I started reading, but he fell asleep on the couch. It's a lazy vacation week and we have time for it, so why not?

Fortunately, on lazy days like this one, Clay and I have time to talk about ideas that are normally too idealistic for everyday hustle and bustle. I stumbled across a set of questions on Charrise's Blog, and we asked one another these questions. It was very insightful, so I thought I'd share them. Feel free to use them with your spouse or friend, or just journal your answers for personal reflection.

Remember to answer without editing.
Say or write the first thing that pops into your mind.

1. If you were to FULLY live your life, what is the first change you would make?

2. What do you want MORE of in your life?

3. What do you want LESS of in your life?

4. What are three things you are doing that don't serve or support you?

5. What would you try if you knew you could not fail?

6. What is missing that, if provided, would move you into a life you truly love?

7. What is the fear that most often stops you?

8. What are you willing to give up to have what you think you want?

9. What are you tolerating right now that doesn't serve you?

10. What are you pretending not to know?

11. What action are you afraid to take?

8 Questions for the Ride to Grandma's House

Over the river and through the... snow, to Grandmother's house we go!

If you are braving the highways this holiday season, don't forget to bring extra money for a hotel (just in case) and bring some interesting conversation starters since you are bound to be delayed by the BLIZZARD sweeping across the United States.

8 Conversation Starters

1. What is the real reason you broke up with me in college? He is trapped in the car. He has nowhere to run or hide. Ask him the question he usually avoids. Be careful, though. This could backfire. Your questions will likely be turned around and asked of you, so be ready with an answer.

2. If you could change one thing about my personality, what would it be?
After a night with friends, Clay answered this question for me. He said he wishes I would not be so competitive when playing board games with company. I doubt I'll change, though.

3. If you could be an animal, what would you be and why?
The answer to this question can reveal hidden truths about your sweetie!

4. Would you rather...
More than a question, this is a game that can last for hours. Start with simple choices like, "Would you rather eat at Chick Fil-A or Zaxby's?" Both people must answer and must choose. Answers like, "both" or "neither" are forbidden. After a few minutes of food choices, move to more difficult questions like, "Would you rather live in Paris or London?" Be sure to explain why. Finally, end with gross questions like, "Would you rather swim in a pool of snakes or eat grasshoppers?"

5. Tell me something about yourself that I don't already know.
After nine years of marriage, Clay and I can always find a way to answer this question. Last week, I told Clay that when I clean the house, I feel guilty if I am not also listening to a book on my iPOD. I feel like I'm wasting time to only do one thing at a time. He was intrigued.

6. If you could relive our wedding day, what would you change?
You might be surprised by your spouse's answer to this one. After attending what seems like hundreds of weddings, we have seen tons of cool things that we did not even think to incorporate into our wedding (like the potatoes in martini glasses).

7. Who have you lost contact with that you'd like to talk to again?
Always interesting.

8. What is God teaching you lately?
This is a great question to ask once every month. It's also good to share what you are learning because maybe God wants to your spouse to learn through you.

Lord, Change Me

Do you believe that prayer is strong enough to hold a marriage together?

I don't.

Actually, the RIGHT kind of prayer will bind you together and the WRONG kind will tear you apart.

After four years of interviewing couples, publishing my first book, and now, writing my second book, this little bit of knowledge has been the most transformational for me. Chapter 3 of my new book, Cloud 9 Club, is titled, "Lord Change Me," and it describes an attitude that great couples display.

In a nutshell, happy couples are more likely to pray, "Lord, change me," while unhappy couples tend to pray, "Lord, change my spouse."





Although I am obviously not a professional movie director, I enjoyed making this little clip to illustrate how often we pray for the other person to change. Doreen even says, "Lord, I know you are going to make him into the man I need him to be." Isn't that what we want God to do?

7 Prayers Clay has probably prayed for me (to no avail)...

1. Lord, please help Emily to remember to turn off the lights in the house.

2. And while you are in a reminding mood, encourage her to charge her cell phone now and then.

3. Father, give her a heart for the Atlanta Braves... and the Hawks... and the Falcons.

4. Heavenly Father, give Emily the will to clean the shower at least once a month. If not, just place a hedge of protection around the entire bathroom.

5. Lord, could you miraculously turn her Christmas cookies into my Mother's cookies?

6. Father, you know all things, so you know how to get Emily ready for church on time, for once.

7. But mostly Lord, I just thank you for my wife. As the music group, ALABAMA, so eloquently said, "She's close enough to perfect for me." (I'm sure Clay prays that).

If your spouse were praying for you, what would he/she pray for?

10 Lessons in 10 Years

Last night, Clay and I broke tradition. We always wait until after Thanksgiving to assemble the tree and drink egg not, but we couldn't wait. We drug the tree up from the basement and made percolator punch (my new favorite holiday drink). And in lieu of It's a Wonderful Life, we watched... drumroll please... our wedding video.

Since this weekend marks ten years since he proposed, Clay surprised me by hooking up the old VCR (can't believe it actually works) and digging through old tapes like Grease, The Sound of Music, and Eight Seconds to find the wedding videos.

We couldn't help but laugh at how young and innocent we looked back then. What were we thinking to get married at ages 21 and 23? We had no idea what we were doing. Maybe that's the best that way. So, in honor of the ten year anniversary of our engagement, I have listed 10 things I've learned about marriage since that day:

1. Guys don't like it when you use their razor.

2. Fighting is not the worst thing for a marriage. The quiet, cold, bitter silence is much worse.

3. Reading the same book draws us together in a profound way.

4. Submission is a beautiful word, not an ugly one.

5. Rocking chairs on the porch are a worthwhile investment.

6. TIVO or DVR can prevent hundreds of arguments.

7. It's good to dress your man. Although they pretend to be annoyed by it, they really love it.

8. God uses marriage to shape our character.

9. Marriage can never be reduced to a list of do's and don't's. It is one of the most intriguing mysteries of the universe.

10. A breakfast of waffles and bacon goes a long way.

11 Cures for Fan Depression

It's official. Auburn stinks this year. Clay's nonstop pouting is a sure sign that all hope is lost. If your husband is a true fan of any sports team, you know what it's like to fall victim to a bad season.

When the rankings come out at the beginning of the year, do you anxiously check to see what kind of man you will be living with for the following months? When commentators predict wins and losses, does that translates to happiness or sadness in the home? If yes, I feel your pain, sister.

I ate three bowls of ice cream when Alabama hired Nick Saban. I knew it meant Auburn would lose recruits, lose status, and ulitmately lose games. When Gene Chizik was named as the Tigers' new coach, I drowned my sorrows in Mayfield Moose Tracks.

After five pounds on the hips, I have decided to take action. There is no reason why I should have to surrender this lovely Fall season to self pity as we Auburn loses the majority of their remaining games.

I have a plan.

I have created a fail-proof scheme to protect our home from FAN DEPRESSION.

1. Distraction - Although it only lasts a few minutes and must be used sparingly, distraction with food and beverage works in the short-term. Keep his favorite snacks hidden so that after a loss, you are armed with a surprise. Lure him away from the television with the promise of homemade cookies, and you might have a chance at a decent evening. Be careful though. If you use this too often, it can backfire. Think: Pavlov's dogs. His whining cannot be reinforced with tasty treats.

2. Cliches - Cliches become cliche for a reason. They work. Memorize the following lines:
"It's a rebuilding year."

"Ya can't win 'em all."

"Win some, lose some."

"At least we have our health."

3. Hope - Depressed fans are likely to hold onto any glimmer of hope. A ridiculous statement like, "With the right recruits, Auburn could win the national championship in three years,"might do the trick.

4. Expert Testimony - Scan blogs and local newspapers for someone who predicts your husband's team will upset a big rival. "Kirk Herbstreet said Auburn is the one team that could take down Alabama." Make sure it's a game at the end of the year so he can cling to this expert testimony throughout the entire season. And don't make it up. He will find out.

5. Miserable Company - Misery loves company, so find a team that is doing as bad or worse than your husband's. Point out their losses, especially when it makes your team look better.

Example: "Can you believe Georgia lost to Tennessee? I feel sorry for the Dawgs fans this year."

6. New Team - Deep down, your man wants to be a fan. Something is missing in his life when he can't cheer for someone wholeheartedly. Divert his passion to another team that actually has a chance. Even though this team can never truly take the place of his beloved squad, it helps.

Say, "If Auburn can't win, I am going to pull for Florida. Tim Tebow is a stand up guy. Have you seen the article about his mission trips in Sports Illustrated?"

7. One Player - It's likely that at least ONE PLAYER on your husband's sorry team shows promise. Focus on that player. Take note if he makes a great play or improves from week to week. This can be a focal point during the blow-outs.

8. Scapegoat - Milli Vanilli was right. You can blame it on the rain... Cause the rain don't mind. In fact, any weather change can serve as a scapegoat for a loss - snow, heat, wind, even astroturf.

9. Bet - By playing the devil's advocate, your sweetie can feel like he has actually won, even when his team loses. Make a ridiculous bet and make sure he wins. For example, "I bet Kentucky will beat Auburn by 30 points." When he takes the bet and wins a massage, he will not feel like such a loser when Auburn only loses by 7 points.

10. Postive Reinforcement - Anytime your spouse talks about something other than his losing team, feed him.

11. Dancing with the Stars - When all else fails, flip the channel to Dancing with the Stars and forget about football.

Baby in Six Months

The one in the middle is not pregnant :(

After more than four years of trying to have a baby, Clay and I are more hopeful than ever. We are praying to be pregnant within the next six months. So, today is September 28, 2009... that means we are praying for a baby in my belly by March 28, 2010.

We are still in the process of adopting from China, but right now, it will be at least 36 months before he or she arrives in our home. So, this seems like a great time to get pregnant!

Of course God's timing is always perfect, and we know that He may deny our request, but for the next six months, we are going to do everything within our power to make a baby (Feel free to insert your own joke here).

I love this quote by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, which reminds me of the importance of complete commitment:

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back-- Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it.

Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.

So, we have begun a period of complete committment. That inlcudes daily prayer and inviting our friends to pray with us! We would be honored by any of your prayers. Below are some specific requests:

1. That we would fall more in love with God and each other through this process.

2. For God to bless us with a pregnancy witin six months

3. Pray for God to lead us to the right doctors, medicine, herbs, food, and information.

4. For God to be glorified through our story, no matter what.

A Different Dream

“But our God turned the curse into a blessing.” Nehemiah 8:10

Who would have thought a book about chronically ill children would minister to me during this period of my life? I met the author, Jolene Philo, at a writer’s conference and was immediately attracted to her enthusiasm for life.

I was surprised to learn that she was writing a book about dealing with her son’s life-threatening birth defect. Her joy was birthed through difficulty.

Before leaving Colorado, I told her that I wanted to read her book. So, last week I had the privilege of reading A Different Dream for My Child, published by Discovery House. Honestly, I was checking it out because a dear friend has just found out that her baby has Downs Syndrome. I wanted to give my friend a copy of Jolene's book.

But I think God wanted me to read this book. For four years, Clay and I have been searching for God’s will for our family. We are in the process of adopting a little girl from China, but that will probably take three more years. So, what should we do while we wait? If I've heard one story about someone getting pregnant while they wait for an adopted child, I've heard a million of them. And deep down, I have found most of my comfort from the idea that this will certainly happen to me.

But truthfully, there is no verse in the Bible that promises me a baby.

Jolene came to the same realization about a healthy baby. In the first paragraph of her book, she recounts a typical conversation she had when she was pregnant:

“Do you want a girl or a boy?”

“I don’t care so long as the baby is healthy.”

Jolene writes, “I was convinced God would honor my selfless desire since my husband, Hiram, and I were model parents-to-be.”

Jolene and I had the same misconception and we have been learning the same principles, but through different avenues. Below are eight things God can teach us when we are given the opportunity to dream a different dream:

1. God’s grace really is sufficient.
2. The Holy Spirit prays for us when we don’t even know what to ask God.
3. Waiting for God’s will is an important part of our spiritual growth.
4. The Lord draws near to the brokenhearted.
5. God is more interested in turning me to Him than granting me the American dream.
6. Pain is a beautiful part of life.
7. Every good and perfect blessing is from the Lord.
8. I am thankful that my life is not in my control.